Divorce is complicated for everyone involved. There are many players involved in this drama we call divorce. The couple is only the main character in this saga. There are supporting actors, such as the divorce attorney, mediators, and judges. There are also important key characters such as the children.
Everyone involved has lots of basic divorce questions. Questions about who gets custody of the kids? Or, which party gets to stay in the family home? Will the family home be sold and the profits divided equally between parties? Emotions are spiking as divorce attorneys work hard attempting to untangle financial arrangements like assets and debt.
Not only is it imperative to find a competent divorce attorney, choosing an efficient mediator is just as important. The divorce mediator provides the judge with an outside perspective about who should get what.
When filing for divorce, you have a few basic divorce questions. The following common questions you should ask your divorce attorney such as:
Can I print out divorce papers online?
Can you check the status of your divorce online?
Can you divorce for free?
These are all good questions and in most jurisdictions, the answer is yes. As far as getting a divorce for free, you would need to file a fee waiver. If you are low-income, you can usually get these divorce fees reduced or completely waived.
Divorce is hard on everyone involved, including the spouses, kids, and even divorce mediators too. Emotions run high and there are often complicated financial arrangements to untangle, such as ownership for homes and cars. Add in kids and custody and the stress can mount quickly.
That said, outside counsel for all parties is often wise. While finding a divorce lawyer is essential, so too is selecting the best divorce mediator. A couples mediation expert can provide an outside perspective, which is often essential during divorce proceedings and what comes after. If you have basic divorce questions, a compassionate divorce mediator can help answer your concerns. There’s no single best way to divorce your spouse, but a family mediator can help you craft the divorce path that’s best for you and your family.
Everyone’s feelings and interests must be taken into account, including children, grandparents, and more. With the best divorce mediators, you may be able to work through thorny problems while coming up with acceptable solutions. This will help you get on with life, so you can focus on your career and doing what is best for your family. Once the divorce is settled, emotions may cool a bit, which makes things easier for everyone involved.
Building a new life after divorce can be a frightening and unnerving process. Where will I go? Who will I spend my time with? What will my future look like now? However daunting these questions may seem now, eventually you’ll realize the freedom they hold behind them. You now have the opportunity to create a new life for yourself. Take this opportunity to look on the positive side of things and delve into a realm of self-care you may not have even known was necessary. This is your time and building a new life after divorce can be a revitalizing transition if you let it.
First things first, you or your ex-partner are likely going to have to move. If this is you, take this change of pace with excitement. You get to start all over in a new home, create it how you want it, live where you want, and have your own space again. Have some fun with it. What decorations have you always wanted but your partner didn’t care for? Have you always wanted marble countertops but were stuck living with the same boring laminate that was there when you moved in? What about updating to a new king sized mattress while you’re at it? All of these things, or whatever else your heart may desire in a home, are now up to you to make happen. Delving into renovations on a home can also be a great distraction for you as you’re just beginning the healing process. 35% of remodeling jobs involve the whole home, so don’t feel the need to stop with just your room, the kitchen, and the living room. Should you get passionate about how you want your new home to look, allow yourself to spend the time and effort on making it perfect. The best part about home renovations is that if you end up not liking it in a few months from now, you can change it again. So don’t be afraid to make bold choices.
Building a new life after divorce in terms of your new living situation can be one of the best aspects of moving on. You have an entirely new space to create just how you want it with only your budget keeping you in check. If you’re tight on money after settling your divorce case, there are dozens of places where you can find discounted furniture if you have to leave behind the majority of the furniture you already had. Not only that, but getting new furniture, including a mattress like mentioned before, can help with the healing process. Having things be new and your own and not tied down to memories of the past can help with building a new life after divorce. Allow yourself that room for bigger and better things to take place in your life, even if it’s just furniture at first.
Additionally, the location of where you move to is important to keep in mind as well when building a new life after divorce. Should you share children, staying close by could be the best thing for the family. However, if it’s just you, moving to another city or state could be what’s best for you. Sometimes, like furniture, places can hold us back. If you’re able, giving yourself the option to put as much space between you and your past can sometimes be beneficial. At the end of the day, where you move to needs to be comfortable for you. Now that you’re rebuilding your life, what’s important to you is what matters most. So take the time to figure that out before making any drastic decisions.
Taking Care of Yourself
By far the most important part of building a new life after divorce is taking the time to care for yourself. Healing is going to be of utmost importance during this difficult time in your life. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t also have some fun. Self-care doesn’t mean staying in every single day and night watching sad movies and lighting a candle to drown your sorrows. Sure, some nights, maybe even a lot of nights, will look that way. But they don’t have to. You can be out there living your life with friends and family finally doing the activities you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have time for with your partner.
Especially if you’re someone who has kids, you might be wondering how you’re going to balance everything on your own now. But the truth is, you’re not alone. And there’s going to be times where the kids are with their other parent and you’ll be able to focus your energy on yourself. Even if the stress of your kids is too much to bear sometimes, that’s all the more reason for self-care when building a new life after divorce. Additionally, don’t be embarrassed to reach out and lean on friends or family. They’re there to share the burden of your pain – that’s what friends are for. Don’t think that because you’re on your own now you have to stay that way. If relying on your friends is too uncomfortable for you, there’s plenty of online groups with people going through the same things you are. Maybe the anonymity of online sites can help you feel more comfortable. Whatever it may be, don’t try to do it by yourself.
A pretty simple way to help keep the stress of daily like down is by avoiding social media. Maybe for you, it’s seeing all your friends and family in successful relationships. Maybe what’s happening in the news is too heartbreaking to deal with along with your divorce. Maybe just keeping the appearance that you’re doing okay is too exhausting. Taking a break from social media can help with all these things. Additionally, another great way to get some respite from everything happening in your life that’s too much is by getting your hair done. Make an appointment with the hair specialist you’ve been dying to see and change up your look. A haircut, new style, or even a new color can help make you feel better about yourself and more confident in your everyday. Who couldn’t use a little extra confidence? Though it may not seem like something that could make a difference, you’d be surprised. Thankfully, they’re relatively inexpensive, too.
Another great way to focus on self-care is by finding distractions that help you focus your energy somewhere else. Though dealing with your emotions head-on will need to happen and is an important process, it’s also not beneficial to sit in your feelings constantly and get overwhelmed by them. Distractions can be really important so you don’t dwell on things you can’t control. The biggest part of self-care is recognizing what you can control and addressing those things. Part of that is finding things to do in the meantime while you heal. For instance, starting a new book series or tv series can take up a lot of time and allow you to go somewhere else for a while. The same goes for movies. Being able to escape reality for a little bit can be extremely beneficial to the healing process. Another way to do this is by indulging in different activities like painting, gardening, cooking, or any other type of crafts. Like mentioned before, this could even be renovating your home. Anything that allows you to focus on something other than the divorce itself is a good thing.
It’s also entirely possible you’re somebody who thrives off time to themselves. If this is the case, focusing on the things previously mentioned like reading, cooking, arts and crafts, and shows or movies are great ways to decompress by yourself. Make sure that you’re stretching your comfort zone by not staying inside and away from people all the time, but still respecting yourself enough to know your limits.
Invest in Yourself, Literally
Especially if finances are not one of your worries, investing in activities or hobbies that fuel your soul or strengthen your body are perfect paths to take towards building a new life after divorce. For instance, let’s say the weight of the relationship has also literally become a pain you carry physically. Taking the time and effort to go to physical therapy and unload or work through whatever pain your body is carrying can be incredibly beneficial towards rebuilding your life. If you’re unable to enjoy your life on a daily basis because you hurt your back years ago and never took the time to get it fixed, you’re not going to be able to put as much into this new life. Not only will it be beneficial to address any physical pain you’ve been dealing with, just exercising more frequently can help make building a new life after divorce easier. Our body releases endorphins when we work out that makes us happier and less upset. This means although it may suck to do initially, going for a run or lifting some weights can actually help make you feel better. Finding this release will not only be good for your mental health, but also your physical health. And without both, it’s going to be a lot harder to build a new life for yourself.
Another example of how to treat yourself is to get that facelift you’ve always wanted but were talked out of doing. Why not? If you’ve got the funds, do what makes you happy. Building a new life after divorce means doing the things you couldn’t or wouldn’t before. Use this time to relearn who you are and what you’re capable of. Maybe this newfound freedom means finally opening the yoga franchise you’ve always wanted to start but couldn’t for whatever reason. If money is tight, think about taking out a loan. Don’t allow anything to stand in the way of your dreams. This time is meant for building yourself a new future, so if opening up your own business is something you’re passionate about, do whatever it takes for that to be successful. Allowing yourself to pour energy into a passion is a good way of centering yourself and healing. Now that you have this time to refocus on what matters to you, put your best foot forward towards making those changes a reality.
Maybe you’re somebody who loves sailing but married and moved inland and haven’t had the opportunity to be back out at sea in years. If this is the case for you and you’re able to spend some extra funds on yourself, look to see what kinds of boats for sale are available and consider investing. This could be a great opportunity to get your friends or family together and head out to the lake for a while. Perhaps the best way for you to build a new life after divorce and take care of yourself is by moving somewhere closer to the water so you can go boating or sailing more frequently. Maybe it means having a cabin for part of the year where you can go and stay and have guests whenever. Especially if others in your family have boats or jet skis and the whole family can stay for a long weekend, this could be a worthwhile investment for yourself.
At the end of the day, building a new life after divorce is all about whatever you want. For you that could mean investing in different body modifications like a facelift or getting your hair done, or it could be more health-focused and centered around eating right and exercising more often, or it could be purely for fun like investing in a boat or renovating your home. Whatever it may be that helps you move on and create a better life for yourself, do it. You know best what’s going to work for you and listening to yourself is going to be what gets you through to the next stage of life. Listen to yourself and those you keep close to you and rely on them and you will be surprised just how easy and rewarding creating a new life for yourself can be.