Can a Marriage See the Other Side of an Affair?
Can a marriage survive after an affair takes place? That’s the big question. Many say it depends on the person, the situation and other variables. When it comes right down it, though, the answer the is yes. Yes, your marriage can be salvaged even if one of the partners has had an affair. It will be difficult and it will take work, but it can make it. The healing process is painful and both people must be committed to doing whatever it takes to repair the damage, whether it be therapy services, couples counseling, accountability check and whatever else is needed. There are several things that each person can do to help the healing process.
To: The Unfaithful Spouse
- Promise that Enough is Enough
The first thing to do is to promise to stop the affair and follow through. This means absolutely no contact with the one that you committed the affair with. It is above and beyond no dates or sex, it’s absolutely all and any communication including phone calls, texts and even following each other on social media. If you work with them, any encounter should be strictly business and your spouse needs to know every encounter. - Answer Whatever Questions are Asked
You need to understand that trust is going to have to be rebuilt. Even after you promise to stop the affair, your partner may question your actions or want to see your phone. If you are out late, they may want to know where you have been. You must be willing to patiently answer every question honestly and thoroughly. You don’t have a right to get upset. - Take Responsibility for Your Actions
Don’t try to blame the person you had the affair with and especially do not blame your spouse. Apologize and show you genuinely regret your mistakes. Pointing the finger will only show your spouse that you don’t think you are at fault and you might go out and do it again. - Don’t Expect a Fast Recovery
It may take a long time for your partner to trust you or forgive you again. Be patient, understanding and repentant. You may be in marriage counseling or therapy services for a long time.
To: The Betrayed Spouse
- Ask Away
You probably are feeling confused, betrayed and hurt. You may want details and this is normal. Ask any question that you feel you need answers to. The best place to ask all of your questions is during the therapy services where the counselor can act as a mediator. - Try to Contain Yourself
This can be a hard one. While you may want to lash out or scream and cry, these kinds of emotions will make your spouse fearful and they might close off and not disclose all the information that you need. In order to get the truth and to begin the process of bringing you both closer together again, reign in your emotions and consider your spouse’s emotions also. - Forgive as Soon as You Can
If you can bring yourself to forgive your spouse, this doesn’t mean that all is forgotten and everybody gets to move on like nothing happened. This means that now the real healing can take place. Neither you nor your spouse will be able to get through this if you cannot forgive them. The best therapy services in the world will be pointless if you refuse to forgive. It will be extremely difficult, but if you can do it, your marriage can be saved. - Set Times and Spend Time
Don’t let the affair be the only thing you talk about. Limit yourself to a time limit where you are allowed to ask questions or talk about the affair and once the time is up, the subject is off limits. On the other side, make sure you and your spouse spend quality time getting to know each other and connecting again without mentioning the affair.
It is going to be a long and painful process to rebuilt trust and sometimes even love but if you can both decide each day to love one another and do right be each other, then hope is on the horizon. You can come out the end of this, with a stronger marriage and character than either of you has ever had before. For more information see this.